Got tired o’ watchin’ that Foxy News Network, so’s I flipped it over to the AMC. Just in time too. They was showin’ only the most terrifyin’ film what ever got slapped onto celluloid. Done did for the backwoods and banjos what Jaws done did for the ocean. ‘Specially when you’s got such a purty mouth like I got. That’s right: Deliverance. I shouldn’ta done watched it again. Way too scared to shut my peepers, so’s I gots me an idea. I reckon what we’s gots to do is make sure all them hillbilly folks is good and satisfied so’s they don’t come after us regulars like in the film. To assist with that, I’ve gone and devised some pick up lines sure as shootin’ to help them hillbillies’ get themselves someone to mate with that ain't us. Spread these ‘round to all the backwoods areas. It’s fer our own protection.
• Didn’t I see that purdy mouth o’ yours at the family reunion?
• How bout you come back to my place? Maw said you have to be back by 11 anyhow.
• You know, I’ve never seen such a beautiful tooth.
• Boy howdy, but them green eyes sure do reminds me of fresh radiator coolant.
• Get in the truck, cuz….
• Sooeeeey!!!! Sooeeeeey!!!!
• Yer already my sister and my momma, so you might as well be my girl.
• Are you gonna come easy, or do I need to get the duct tape?
• I haven’t seen a tail that fine since I lost my coonskin cap.
• Our lice really seem to have hit it off. Be a shame to separate them now.
• You really remind me of my first love. I reckon it’s that fleece you’re wearing.
• You know, in this light, you look a might like a plump, young Ned Beatty.
• If you and I kissed right now, we’d almost be sharing a full set of teeth.
• Women like you are what got me interested in greased pig wrasslin’. How bout I show you some of my moves?
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