This is Julio standing in for Lactose the Intolerant, who will be absent for the forseeable future. The FBI raided his place last night. Turns out he's being accused of espionage. Apparently he's been selling secrets to Canada and Switzerland: the secret formulation for Diet Dr. Pepper, Secret Antiperspirant, the secret to Oprah's appeal, the secret for looking fabulous, among others. It was an awful mess. During the cacaphony of the raid, Lactose panicked and tried to escape by flushing himself down the commode. If it hadn't been for his big head. You ever snake a commode? Well, extracting him was kind of like that, and, wouldn't you know it, the Feds just left me with the mess. Typical government types.
Anyway, we're trying to get Lactose out on bail. Donations can be sent to the normal place.
Help us Julian Assange. You're our only hope.
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