Killers and Lawyers and Judges, Oh My.

Anybody else hear the story about the women who tried to get out of jury duty? 

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/04/06/2011-04-06_verdict_yer_a_joke_judge_forces_woman_to_eternal_jury_duty_after_racist_remarks_.html

On the jury questionnaire, she was asked to name the three people she admired the least.  Her answer: African Americans, Hispanics and Haitians.  The judge was furious at her response and sentenced her to indefinite jury duty.  Of course, he can’t really do that, so she just got sent home without her $40 for jury duty compensation.  But this got me thinking, just exactly how could one effectively get out of jury duty without getting the book thrown at them and losing their $40?  Which of these do you think would be most likely to work?

·         Come to the courthouse dressed as the Batman.  Or a gay cowboy eating pudding.  Either way.

·         Whenever the lawyers ask you a question, plead the fifth.

·         Ask if all of your personalities get a vote.

·         No habla inlges, usted.

·         Oh no, I can be fair and impartial.  I hate all races equally.

·         I love cats.

·         Wink at the defendant and whisper, “Call me.”

·         Quote Matthew 7:1 and claim you aren’t allowed to judge based upon your religious convictions.

·         Oh yeah, I can tell if someone’s guilty just by looking at their aura.

·         Look at the defendant and say, “Dude.  We missed you at the 10 year reunion.”

·         Answer all questions in the dark language of Mordor.

·         Tell the lawyers that your favorite movie is The Runaway Jury.

·         On the jury questionnaire under political preference list: anarchist.

·         Casually inform the judge that you can’t fully support any law you didn’t personally vote for.

·         Ask the lawyers if either of them studied under Matlock.  Because you hate Matlock.

·         I would be loving to be serve on this jury of the infidel.  Allahu akbar.  Sharia.

·         Apologetically get out your breast pump every 30 minutes.  You: “I’m sorry.  If I don’t nurse my son regularly, I’m going to burst.” Judge: “Oh, how old is your son now?”  You: “13.”  This works especially well if you are male.

·         Approach the defendant with open arms.  “Come here you.  It looks like you just didn’t get enough hugs as a child.”

·         Heads guilty.  Tails innocent.

·         Point at the prosecuting attorney, “Remember that day you found out you passed the bar.  Man, I have never seen you so stoned.”

·         Just start the day as usual with your three martini breakfast.

·         Before we get started, let me review for you all the prime directive.

·         Glare at the judge and remark stoically, “I know what you did.  The angels told me so.”

·         My name is Charlie Sheen.