Checked out the Brown's new bathroom. Hated it. Who knows the gut-busting decorating don't illustrated by these towels? Hmmm?
It looks like Mommy’s and Daddy’s hints that little Conner and Jenny are getting too rotund are getting less and less subtle. OM, OM, OMGolly. For the love of Oprah, please don’t do this to your children, girlfriends.
I’m saying this from the heart and from bitter experience. My mother once bought me a special pair of shoes with a bathroom scale built right into the heels. Every time I took a step, the shoes would speak to me, announcing my weight and telling me how many more calories I needed to burn before anyone could ever love me again.
So all you soft, squishy kiddies out there. Stand up for yourselves. Do what I did. Just last week I looked mummsy in the eye and said, “Mother, I’m a man, and I’m not going to wear those shoes anymore.” And I hurled the shoes right out the window. And once I can find the super glue solvent, they’re coming right off again. Say it with me: I’m portly and I’m proud! I’m portly and (sob) I’m proud! I’m portly (sob, sob) and (weeping)…
And who’s going to come over and wring the tears from my pillow so I can sleep tonight? Not you, mother. Not you. Not anybody. The shoes are right. The shoes are right. The shoes are always right.
too bad the scale doesn't say this with every step, "Fatty...Fatty....Fat-Fat."
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