Dear Diary,
Was hanging in Iraq today on account of its election day. Had some plans to mess with Team Satan here and foment some higgledy-piggledy among the masses. Felt I needed to be here in person to make sure these Iraqi retards I have working for me get the job done. Should have just stayed in Pakistan.
Since those Team Satan jarheads have been making it way too hard to get car bombs through the checkpoints, Tarooq got himself a trained camel wired up with a little ammonium nitrate election present for the masses. He and Shahid were going to walk it right down to election central and kablam! Take out the whole voting district. The blast would have painted the whole place purple. If they had made it to their destination. Stupid Iraqis.
Turns out last night, Shahid and Tarooq went on a little pre-martyrdom sin spree, so, on the way to the potential blast site, when their camel saw some pretty females and got a little frisky, they only felt it was fair to let the camel have its little sin spree too. How do I know this? That numbnut Tarooq took pictures with his cellphone of him and Shahid in front of the camel porn making unhallowed hand gestures and laughing and posted it to his FB page via his mobile.
By itself, no big whoop. But during his pre-martyrdom fling, Shahid got drunk and stupid and met an alleged girl named Aiesha. He kissed the girl, and he liked it. He liked it so much, he gave Aiesha his cellphone number. The same cellphone that was wired to the trigger on the ammonium nitrate. The same cellphone Aiesha dialed up right during the middle of camel passion.
Body count
Camels: 2
Iraqtards: 2
Infidels: 0
Voters: 0
Number of total martyrs in paradise: 2 (My money is on the camels).
Allah, give me strength. And less stupid recruits. I'm looking for some just stupid enough to fall for martyrdom.
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