Does the thought of leaving behind all that you have worked long and hard for your entire life stick in your craw? Does the idea of leaving your life's worth to your lazy, good-for-nothing, money-grubbing offspring who are awaiting your demise like a pack of rabid ghouls taste of fermented bile? Well who said you can't take it with you? Our lawyers have devised a scheme by which you can retain all that you have...and then some. Upon your death, we will liquidate all of your assets and invest them in a balanced portfolio after you depart the world. Then, following Armageddon upon the morning of the first resurrection, if you have made the cut, your funds will be waiting for you, minus a small tithe, our 10% fee of the accumulated investment profits, and you will be ready to begin the millennium in the manner with which you have become accustomed. Of course, should you not make the cut, you can still die with the peace of mind knowing that those ungrateful whelps will get nothing from you. Maybe this hard life lesson will help them straighten out and fly right. Can you give them a better inheritance than that?
To set things in motion, contact us at:
The Lactose Medical Fund
The van under the overpass down by the river
Newark, NJ 76544
011 0046 8764-6675
PS. We also offer a wide range of Rapture Insurance policies. Have you often wondered what would become of your beloved but wayward children after you are taken up in the cloud and they are left to deal with the coming chaos? Were you aware that The Rapture is not officially considered as death in standard life insurance policies? Call now and we will send you a brochure detailing our many Rapture Insurance policy options. Are you worried about your pets, too, because they won't be coming with you? We have policies and programs to provide for them as well. Please call us. Peace of mind is only a phone call away.
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